Hey friends! Welcome to the first blog of 2019!
I have pushed off my first post of the New Year for one main reason. I needed time to write, keep it private, and find my authentic voice. And by finding my voice I mean finding my strong voice. The voice that I have slowly and surely grown into, and although there have been plenty of fallbacks, I seem to know this is the voice that makes me feel most powerful. It is my empowered voice.
Over the past month or so I have reflected on my blogs from this past fall and I can see how honest and vulnerable I was with you, however I can also see how broken I was. Gratefully I can say that that is not where I am anymore, and somehow I have conquered what my biggest fear was: the unknown that came with being alone. For the past five months I have navigated through a lot of firsts and plenty of ups and downs and I can say that it has been absolutely exciting. I most definitely do not know everything but I do know what I want out of this alone time. And with today being Valentine’s Day I thought I’d share what’s been on my heart to all my single (or not single) friends.. So I’ll discuss some clarity I have had recently thanks to me dreading Valentine’s Day for some time and then realizing that it isn’t what I have always made it out to be.
God revealed to me that I was loving people wrong in every shape and form. I loved a boy more than I loved Him. I loved to be distant and impersonal with friends. I loved to keep everyone at bay. I loved to go through the motions with my faith. I loved to give half of myself to others. But He showed me that my decision to love that way wasn’t going to fulfill me any where close to the way He loves me. A failed relationship didn’t look as detrimental after I understood the meaning of true unconditional love from Him.
Love has shifted my viewpoints on every little thing, but most importantly on my friendships. Everyday I strive to love like Jesus. I strive to have grace, compassion, forgiveness, and loyalty. It is amazing to see how many friendships have flourished in the past few months thanks to effort, time, laughter, and most importantly Jesus. I have discovered how great it is to have humility and to value others above myself. Never in my life have I felt so loved by others, and I have never felt such love for others. Soon I realized love from one person wasn’t what I needed, but rather a village of people. So believe me that pure and genuine friends are absolutely good for the soul. (And they’re amazing when boys are stupid)
This word has become one of my top favorite words of 2019. I was absolutely terrified of being alone. To go from morning to night left alone with my own thoughts, my own flaws, and the idea of facing anything hard completely by myself scared me beyond words. I felt so desperately that I needed a rock. I needed someone to hold me up. I needed someone to guide me into which decisions I should make. What is great is that I can proudly say that isn’t me anymore. I am confident, resilient, tough, determined, and proud of how far I have come. I see the value in what I have to give, and I see the awesomeness in not feeling incomplete if I don’t have a guy there with me. A guy merely adds value to what I have to offer.
Ladies (and gentlemen if you happen to be reading this) I have come to the profound conclusion that the right guy will get it right. A guy will treat the one he wants for the rest of his life right because he WANTS to. You won’t have to worry about him changing his mind, because it’ll be so evident he wants it. So be pursued, and don’t worry. You are the prize, and you need to always remember that. If they’re willing to lose you well then their loss. I can finally sit here and say I’m pretty awesome because I know my God created me unique and special and I am absolutely loved by Him. You should believe and say the same my friends. The revelation that I won’t be happy until I am happy with myself has never stung so true. I am embracing every day eager to see how much more independent and bold I can grow.
So until you find “the one”…Embrace your independence. Focus on growth. Dwell in the solitude.
Solitude is sacred.
God took away what I wanted, and gave me exactly what I needed: alone time. I needed to get out of a relationship where I was only growing further from Him. I needed to grow up. I needed solitude. Time to myself has been the absolute most pure way of me figuring myself out throughout this insane journey. So for those reading this and can relate…see if you’re getting what you need and not what you want. Have some perspective. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason…so what one thing are you magnifying when you should zoom out and look at the whole picture?
I am the girl who went from dreading February 14th to embracing it for all that it can be. Today it means it’s about love in its best form with friends, family, and those that I care about. On a day focused about relationships I wanted this to just be a nice and honest read on a day that may have some people down. Don’t feel as if you’re missing out. And sure as hell don’t settle for someone because you feel lonely. Embrace the loneliness. Embrace your thoughts, your emotions, your flaws, and everything else that is you. If you want to be broken then be broken, but put yourself together stronger than you have ever been. I appreciate being broken and shaken. I needed that. But now I’m strong. Stronger than I have ever been.
Know that there is no shame in just being by yourself. To be an individual. To be in solitude. To be one rather than a pair.
I am one.
And being one is kind of bad ass.
Happy Valentine’s Day