I am currently in the beautiful city of Rome, and I wanted to share with you a quick reflection.
A time ago in my life there was an object: Glass. And it was absolutely everywhere.
Through overwhelming rage hundreds of pieces of this object had found their way to the carpet of my bedroom, and had covered just about half of the room with one big mound and then plenty of tiny pieces scattered each and every way. And for weeks that glass stayed there. For weeks I danced with the idea of just giving in to my thoughts. For weeks I admired those broken pieces. And for weeks I saw myself in that glass: shattered and broken. For weeks…I did not pick up the glass.
Physically, emotionally, and spiritually I had willingly chosen to leave it there. That glass was broken and severed, and I dwelled on the idea of one of them just finding me by some accident. Well, this dwelling went on for weeks and I had never felt so stuck. However, after an extremely difficult day emotionally and spiritually I simply could not take it any longer. And I cried. It was a cry so desperate, so vulnerable, and so broken. Yet, to my surprise it slowly evolved into tears streaming down my face with the biggest smile on my face.
And soon I was on my knees. And I was praying in a way I had never prayed before. I was relinquishing in a way I never knew I could. Overwhelming joy had taken over and I felt truly known and SO LOVED and I said the words, “Time doesn’t heal. You do.” And in that moment, surrounded by pieces of my broken glass, I gave my life to Jesus.
I immediately picked up every last piece of that broken glass.
I would not be who I am today if that glass had never happened. I think about how much I related to this broken object that ultimately wasn’t there to hurt me, but was in fact the exact opposite. It was the catalyst to my saving and soul awakening. I know I struggle day to day, but because of that broken glass, months and months later, I know I am that broken glass just healed by my Savior. So, in the magical city of Rome I find myself thinking about it more and more. It gives me a multitude of emotions, but grateful is the first word that comes to mind. That broken glass was me, and to this day still is. It just happens to be a mended, loved, and beautiful mess of glass that exists inside of me now.
I Am broken and Unashamed
Everyone is broken in their own personal way, and what I thought was a weakness has actually been a powerful rediscovering tool for me. I absolutely believe that my broken glass is still a part of me, and I know if that broken glass never appeared before me I would not be here in Rome. I would not have made the decision to follow a dream I have had for years, and I would not be more graceful with myself for when I do struggle. Because of that glass I am not ashamed to say I’m healing from different parts of my journey that have brought me down, but only to have me rebuild myself up stronger. So I have a lot of faith in time to escape, refresh, and feel a little more inspired by all this world has to offer and to believe in what I can offer the world.
Rome to me is all about that broken glass. That glass is who I was, and through healing and being mended it continues to be me just less downhearted. So Rome is about rediscovering myself, loving this diverse world God has created, and believing in myself just a bit more. There are absolutely no expectations to this time in my life, except to give absolutely all of me to this experience and to not be afraid to share myself with the world.
All Of Me
It is naive to think that everything just dissapears after five weeks away from my everyday life, or to believe that being here somehow “cures” me. I do not want to be cured or seek something that I know I cannot find anywhere else but from God. So what I have firm faith in is my journey, and therefore what these next five weeks deserve from me is absolutely all of me. I am handing every single piece of my broken glass to Rome. They’re mended and still being worked on every day, but they are thankful for such an amazing place to be placed for some time to go through this life. There is no intention of completely healing me, but just the genuine hopes of creating something even better and stronger than what they were before.
Rome, I am excited to see what you make of this broken and wholehearted mess.